Stories Shared by Minnesota Women

First Name: Ann

Age: 21

Location:

Category: Living with illness

Story: My mother has had diabetes since she was 12 years old. She has had almost every complication possible but is currently doing very well. I recently moved out and bought a house and only now am I realizing the impact it had on her life - physically, emotionally, and financially. Sometimes when a loved one has an illness it can be hard to deal with reality and try to not pay attention to what is going on. I wish I had realized the severity of her illness before I moved out because I was not as supportive as I could have been. I guess the point to this story is if you have a loved one who is living with an illness, do not ignore it. Even though it is scary for you - it is even more scary for them. Be there to support them in any way you can.

First Name: Nancy

Age:

Location: Minneapolis

Category: Becoming a mother

Story: The most challenging life change I have experienced is becoming a mother. I am still "becoming" a mother, but am more at peace with myself as mother and parent. I don't think the process of becoming ever ends as mother and child enter different chapters and phases of life together. Before my first child was born I had very little contact with infants and toddlers. Being the youngest child myself, I had never even changed a diaper. My romantic notion that all I had to do was pick up my newborn and she'd stop crying because mama was there were quickly quashed along with the delusions of the slow-mo running-through-the fields serenity hogwash that is sold along with baby products. My romanticism deflated and the reality of the hard work setting in coupled with an inclination towards insomnia threw me over the edge. I got help, recovered, and took it one day at a time. 9 years and another child later, I feel much more joy and peace as a mother. I now have great tools that I've groomed over the years to help me feel balanced and lead a fulfilling life that has room for everyone.

First Name: Anna

Age: 55

Location: St. Paul

Category: Getting Older

Story: I remember the first time my dad forgot the name of a close friend of his; the first time he wasn¿t sure which street he lived on while driving to his home. I wondered about aging and forgetfulness. Month¿s later he marked his apartment key with pink nail polish, and put the same polish on the entrance to his apartment to assure that he could locate his door. Very smart if it helps, I thought. But deeper inside my heart sank. Could something be very wrong with my dad? I began to be interested in reading articles about aging and forgetfulness, articles about Alzheimer¿s disease. Time went by and the family accommodated dad¿s changes in memory. He became very confused in the evening. Don¿t go out evenings. He became afraid and confused anytime he was away from his apartment. Don¿t take him out anymore. And then the diagnosis ¿ Alzheimer¿s. My dad¿s world was changing for good. My world was changing, too. I began to experience joy every time my dad recognized my voice on the phone or my face when he saw me. But my fear of not being recognized by my dad was growing. A few years later dad cannot be left alone at home, and has an aide to help so my mom can have a few moments a week away from the relentlessness of dad¿s confusion. Caregivers suffer the daily drama of alzheimer¿s changes. Dad usually recognizes my voice and my face, but sometimes he does not. I have cried alone and with others. My dad¿s lifetime world has slipped away. I have slipped away. I miss him so much. Dad seems to be unaware of the changes and finds joy in things he never did before ¿ like eating an ice cream cone or welcoming strangers into his apartment. I pray that I will find a way to remain one of those joys as he slips into his new reality.

First Name: Janie N.

Age: 30

Location: Minneapolis

Category: Overcoming illness

Story: When I was 23, I received a call from my mom at work. She said she'd been experiencing numbness in her arm. A biopsy had revealed a breast tumor and she was going to have surgery the next day, to remove the tumor and maybe her breast. I was stunned and scared, full of shaky adrenaline energy. My mom had always been so healthy and vibrant. I couldn't imagine her body attacking itself. I told my co-workers and although everyone was sympathetic, I was struck by how many people said they also had relatives with cancer. It was almost no big deal. I worked the rest of day in a daze. Everything happened very quickly. My family went with her to the hospital the next day. We were a mess; my mom was the calm one. That morning I realized that my mom is the rock of our family, the constant. It had never crossed my mind that she wouldn't always be there to make us laugh or help us through a crisis. There wasn't time to think or ask questions. We had complete trust in the doctors. I hated saying goodbye to her as she went into surgery. She had a mastectomy and spent the next year in chemotherapy. They say that a positive attitude increases your chance of surviving cancer. If so, my mom should live to 100 because her spirit was unwavering through the whole experience. We've always had ultimate trust in doctors, rarely questioning their decisions. Five years later, my mom is still cancer-free (knock on wood, as she would say). But several years before my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer, her doctor prescribed hormone replacement therapy to prevent osteoporosis later in life. Although we¿ll never be sure, there's a strong evidence that HRT caused her breast cancer. Every day I am thankful for my mom¿s resilience and that we had health care to treat her cancer. But I am also mindful that doctors are not infallible; maybe things would have been different if we¿d asked more questions about HRT at the beginning. I¿ve learned is that it¿s up to each of us to work with our health care providers as equals, asking lots of questions and taking care of ourselves by doing the things we know make us healthy-good food, exercise, relaxation. I hope there¿s a time in the future when we aren¿t afraid to ask questions at the doctor¿s office, so we can each feel like the expert on our own health.